Why is it neo cons never want the government telling them what they can and cant do but seem to want the?

government to tell gays they cant marry or that women cant have abortions? so they don't want anyone telling them to pay taxes or give money to help society but they want to tell everyone else what they can or cant do based on their interpretation of morality? so they can make arguments that have no merit (ie banning gay marriage because of religious reasons) that have no basis in anything other than religion) im just not seeing the logic.